Monday, July 16, 2012

The (abbreviated) Secret World Adventures of Nynaeve. Spoilers!

(Warning: Major Spoiler Alert!)

This has been the strangest month of my life!

A while back, I swallowed a bee in my sleep, and when I woke up, I could manipulate Anima (that means "Do Magic" for you laypersons").
A few days later, I was forcefully recruited into the Illuminati.  Well, they didn't give me much choice in the matter, anyway. Jeeze, and I always thought they were fiction created by crazy conspiracy theorists!
On the bright side, they have a pretty cool uniform!  I'm not a fan of the gas mask, but hey, when in Rome....

So my Illuminati handlers inform me that the earthquake in Tokyo wasn't an earthquake, it was...something far more supernatural.  Think "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".  Some sort of rift opened up and all hell came spilling out.
And it isn't happening just in Tokyo either.  I'm sent to a small island town off the coast of Main, called Kingsmouth, to investigate possible paranormal activity.  Yeah, the zombocalypse is well under way in this little town.

And it isn't just zombies.  Something even worse came in with some fishermen.  A bank of fog, and some super creepy sea monsters.  Not to worry though, a guy in a junkyard gave me a flamethrower!

Still, I prefer my Rifle, since it shoots Anima bullets, I never need to reload!
Kingsmouth was full of all sorts of frightening things, including Justin Bieber....yikes!!

After plowing through a lot of zombies, getting my fortune read, and following a siren song to a guy who stole a magic sword (and escaped with it), I was getting ready to leave Kingsmouth when I encountered an Orochi Suit.  This guy seemed to think he could send me off to investigate some very dangerous extreme mutations.  He implied I was expendable, he even called me a "redshirt"!  That I was, in fact, wearing a red shirt was entirely irrelevant.

I meant to take pictures of the Cthulu like monster we found inside, but I was too busy staying alive. :/

Just outside of Kingsmouth is the Savage Coast.  Right away, some hotel owner mentions he's got a demon problem in one of his rooms.  Well, his whole hotel really.   But, one of his tenants has apparently disappeared into the hellmouth...thingy...   Not to worry, me and my friends can take care of that!

I'll need to wear something less skimpy if I'm going to hell.

Well, it turns out that after fighting through half of hell itself, the guy doesn't even want to be rescued.  He would prefer to stay in the demon world, because he's lost his attachment to humanity, or something, blah blah.  Well, who can blame him?  That Demon lady friend of his has really nice....eyes.

There is quite a lot to do in the Savage Coast, and a lot of it seems to have to do with the lighthouse dwelling Stepthen Ki...I mean, Sam Kreig.  And bugs. I hate bugs.  Moving on.

Going on to Blue Mountain, this place is dark and very creepy.  I die...erm...get exhausted, a lot.  But I work on my combat skills, and pretty soon, I'm back in the swing of things.

Later on, I run into Old Joe down at the Trailer Park.  Old Joe likes to sleep, watch static on his TV, and talk.  Boy, he talks a lot!  He tells me about how people are having trouble with their dreams, and also about some difficulty at the local mine.

Ok, I really hate the mine.  It's dark in here and easy to get lost. Fortunately, my new Blood Magic Coat (and the rifle I got in Hell), glow in the dark!

After resolving issues with the spirits of some dead miners, Joe wants to send me on a Dream Quest sort of thing. Inhale the smoke, he says....

And soon enough, back to the mine I go.  Seems like the guy who stole the magic sword in Kingsmouth is still causing problems. I need to get that sword from him, he's a bad, bad man.

When I find him, he tells me how awesome he is ~yawn~, and how I'll never get the sword from him.  He rambles on a bit, really, typical Villain Monologue.

Anyway, long story short, he's wrong, and I kick his....behind. However, there are some unforeseen circumstances, and I'm unable to recover the sword myself. His "lady friend" from Kingsmouth takes it instead.  Oh bother.  I can see this is going to come back and haunt me later. :(

Ami, Old Joe's Daughter, is able to rescue me from the mine, somehow.  She and her daughter proceed to have quite the family spat right there in front of me, and it seems it's up to me to set things right...again.  The entire family is broken up, and after talking to them some more, they all agree to work together.  I'm supposed to meet them by the bigfoot camp.

Turns out there is some sort of Anima well up there where the Bigfoot live.  Who'd have guessed it?  Ami and her family convince me to drink the green water.  It'll be good for me, like a potion. Right?  RIGHT??

Wait..wah?  Hey!

The next thing I know, I'm in some strange alternate dimension where a disembodied voice promises me great power, and tries to convince me to accept this power and ditch the Illuminati.  I can rule the world!  Mwahahahah. haha...ha
I get brief glimpses of the lives of some very interesting historical figures, and a beautiful view of the universe.

In the end, I have to make a choice.  To take the power...or not.   Choice made.

Ohhh ouchy...holy cow that magic green water gave me quite the hangover!  5 more minutes mom.

Well, the Illuminati aren't too thrilled with my little act in Blue Mountain, so I get a bit of a dressing down but this cold faced...lady.  But someone else is in more horse doodoo than me.  If I want to redeem myself, I need to find a turncoat, someone went over to the Dragons.

After I find the Dragon turncoat, I'm still understandably stressed, so I decide to blow off some steam by doing headstands on some scaffolding in New York.  Whew.  I feel better!

Then I head over to London to do a bit of clothes shopping.  Pangea, lovely!

But hey, my handlers have yet another job for me, an important one.  I guess they aren't that mad at me after all.  Seems the Templars have some relic they'd like me to fetch.  Yeah.....that one sucked.

Ok, I finally get the Templar artifact, that was NOT easy, and I'm shipped off to Egypt, where I meet this very unhappy woman.  There is a lot of bad stuff going on here in Egypt, cults uprisings, mummies, old gods coming back from the dead, etc. But I got a this rockin' new poncho and some John Lennon glasses (not to mention Vintage leather pants!), so I'm ready for anything. :D

Ok, maybe not anything.  This poor man needed to use a higher SPF.  And some Axe body spray might help, too...not to mention some OFF bug spray.

The Orochi group have their fingers over here in Egypt, too, of course.  Actually, it seems like a fair amount of the problems are directly their fault. Still, you can't blame the grunts.  They are just "following orders".
This Orachi agent sure did talk a lot while blowing her infected ex-comrades to smithereens, mostly whining about something or other.  Honestly lady, less QQ and more pew pew!

The Orochi apparently lost a lot of people down some ancient dig site, and yet again, I'm headed down to find out what happened to the survivors (if there are any).  Ankh, here we come!  I change into some camo before meeting up with the baddies down here.
Who does this guy think he is anyway?  Mad scientist with a grudge.


Who'd have thought, we actually survived that!  Lots of fun...can't wait to go really.

It seems that I'm back on the good side with my Illuminati handlers, they like the work I'm doing in Egypt (I bet it's the pancho), so they give me another promotion.  I wonder what's next?

To be continued.....

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